Virtues I have, but patience is not among them. I have no patience for people who are late, no patience to stand in line, no patience to wait for cookies to cool. But the thing that irks me most; the one thing I truly cannot stand, are picky eaters. For them, I have zero patience.
As a person who gets a rush from eating just about anything, I simply can’t relate to these critical grazers. That cocked-head, squinty-eyed, scrunched-up mouth and nose look they give to unfamiliar things makes me want to kick them in the shin and force-feed them by the spoonful just so I can prove that they are missing out.
What angers me most is that fussy eaters always seem to win. If one is around, they choose an accommodating restaurant or meal in their own interest. They’re persnickety, finicky preferences determine the entire dining experience of the group. And this is especially true when the picky perpetrator is invited to ones house.
Part of the fun of throwing a dinner party is impressing guests with a well-planned meal. That fun is immediately sucked away when the guest in question calls to request that, “no onions be placed on his plate. Oh and can the sauce be on the side? And are we having seafood? Because I hate seafood. And if it’s pork, just let me know, I’ll bring my own chicken breast…pork is too dry. No really it’s fine, I don’t mind bringing my own food.”
Well guess what? I mind. Don’t come carting your own food to MY dinner party and sure don’t be requesting what I do with MY food at MY dinner party. I am your HOST and you are slapping the generous hand that’s feeding you.
In defense of the uber-particular, there have been studies done on the phenomena of supertasters. About 35 percent of women and 15 percent of men are estimated to be in a group that have more than the average amount of taste buds. Supertasters in general are less likely to enjoy certain foods that are bitter, spicy or sour as those characteristics will seem over-exaggerate. You can find out if you are a super taster by putting blue dye on your tongue and counting the taste buds in a given area. Simply place a circular paper hole re-enforcer on your tongue and wipe a swab with blue food coloring on it. Count the number of buds in the circle. Count between 15 and 35 and you are an ‘average taster.’ Any fewer means you are a ‘non-taster’ and any higher means you are a ‘supertaster.’ But before any of you food-rejecters out there begin happily laughing with your newly found defense, no study directly supports a correlation between being a supertaster and being a picky eater. Besides, that wouldn’t make me less irritated with your food-bigotry anyway.
My point is, that I too have several food items that I dislike and several wines I have been offered that make me want to kick the shin of my host and force him to suffer with me. But do I refuse to eat? Do I refuse to drink? NO! I smile and am happy that someone thought to have me over or invite me out to dinner. It’s one of the few times I utilize what little patience I have.
So… annoying, imaginary picky eater, it’s your turn to be patient. You’ll eat what you’re served and you’ll like it, damn it.
For Picky Eaters Seeking Help:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1904920454/cookingwitham-20
In Your Defense:
http://habeasbrulee.com/2006/10/23/in-defense-of-picky-eaters/
For More Articles on Picky Eaters:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/25/AR2006092501276.html
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6154446
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